If you’re remotely active on Instagram you’ve undoubtedly seen them. “Them” being tanned and toned, blonde-haired Insta-famous women wearing teeny tiny bikinis in idyllic sandy settings, sipping on delicious-looking coconut concoctions while swinging from palm trees. Or cruising on boats in coordinated bikini and sock combos…
“Them” also being those Insta-famous men sporting man-buns and perfectly trimmed lumbersexual beards while flexing their abdominals while in some exotic location with a blank, distant look in their eyes. They live in ripped skinny jeans and sip matcha tea while meditating about how lucky they are to be so good-looking and Insta-famous…
Or “them” being them both. Together. Looking fabulous and sexy and super-natural and picture-perfect. They are gazing into the distance, climbing palm trees and blissfully unaware of the professional photographer snapping their photo while the wind gently sweeps the hair away from their faces…
And you think to yourself – that should totally be me! I could go to that perfect-looking place! I could drink out of that coconut and swing from that palm tree and my hair is almost long enough for that man-bun! And I’m pretty sure I already have those socks! But HOW do I get that adorable camel to meander by as the sun is setting and I’m ready to strike a pose?
It’s easy! On your next trip just toss these 19 simple accessories in your bag so you can create your own picture-perfect Instagram shot that will have you racking up followers faster than you can say ‘Insta-fame’!
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19 Ridiculous Accessories to Help You Become Famous in Instagram
1. An Unreasonably Long, Flowing Dress
Why would you pack clothes that are comfortable or convenient when going on vacation? That would be absurd. If you want to snap the perfect Instagram shot you’ll need to skip the yoga pants (unless you’re going to take sun salutation pose pics at your dreamy destination) and opt for unreasonably long, flowing dresses that will flap around aimlessly in the wind. No wind? Try a twirl to give that dress some height! Sure you will step all over it when you walk but your followers will really appreciate that you prioritize fashion over function.
But if it’s not a red dress, it’s not even worth your time…
Amazon claims this is a prom dress but we claim it’s just Insta-perfect!
2. An Oversized Floppy Hat
Nothing says “I’m more glamorous than you” like a giant, floppy hat that is literally impossible to pack without smushing. And that makes it really difficult to see in front of you while you’re wearing it. Plus that long flowing dress is nothing unless it’s shielded from the sun by an oversized brim. For the perfect pic be sure you are walking away from the camera while clutching the back of your head – it looks totally natural!
Want to be even MORE unique (as if that’s possible…), get your Insta-fake-name stitched onto your floppy hat so everyone around will know who you are!
Bonus points if your floppy hat includes inspirational quotes like “good vibes” or “beach hair, don’t care” like this one! If you opt for a “do not disturb” floppy hat your Insta-fans will know to leave you alone!
3. A Tribal Print Blanket
Going on a 10-mile hike to the top of a mountain and want to get the best Instagrammable photo possible? Don’t be a fool and fill your backpack with snacks and water – who needs necessities? Fill your pack with 5 pounds of tribal, trendy, ultra-soft and totally picture-perfect wool instead! Plus, if it’s cold at the top (or in that tiny pool) you’ll be much happier that you opted for a warm, cozy blanket over drinking water anyway. Lay that bad boy on the top of a rock overlooking the valley below, lounge out, and snap a photo that’s sure to make everyone swoon. Bonus if you also pack a picnic basket complete with wine, hors d’oeuvres and fancy serving ware.
All of your faithful followers will think you just woke up like this!
Both Pendleton and Sackcloth and Ashes are Instagram blanket classics. This one is huge, heavy, and will be perfect in your pic!
4. An Outrageous Pool Floaty
Gone are the days of boring old pool loungers and water wings. They are being replaced by much more Insta-worthy pool floaties shaped like flamingos and pizza slices and tyrannosaurus rex and tacos! Sure they are oddly shaped and totally uncomfortable to actually float around on, but who cares? You only need to sit on it for long enough to snap that coveted pool photo. Bonus points for doing yoga on your new pool floaty while your insta-partner snaps selfies of his man-bun in the background!
This epic pool floaty is perfect because you’re not even meant to stay on it for more than 30 seconds. Set that camera timer and go!
5. Perfectly Scooped Gelato
Nothing says summer like licking a perfectly scooped gelato ice cream cone while doing tasks that are totally difficult to do while eating ice cream, like roller skating or riding a beach cruiser. Or, better yet, don’t even eat the gelato in the pic – just hold it out in front of you so we can all just gaze at it in all it’s creamy, frozen glory. That’s guaranteed to make your followers drool.
Bonus points if you’re wearing a watch that you turn in to show it’s big, beautiful clock face to your followers (and don’t forget to share that coveted 10% off discount code so all of your followers can get a stylish watch of their own!).
If you want your Instagram pic to be totally gelato-lishous, be sure to pick up some gelato-themed gear. These incredibly awkward board shorts will be a hit with your followers!
6. A Flower Crown
If you really want to become Insta-famous, every morning you should wake up, look at yourself in the mirror, and ask “who is the ruler of Instagram?” If your resounding answer is not “ME!” well then, maybe you’re not cut out for selfie-obsessed Insta-fame. How are your loyal followers supposed to believe in your stardom if you don’t even believe in yourself? It’s time to crown yourself the Queen of Instagram! But you can’t use a regular crown, that would be too over-the-top. A brightly colored, bushy floral crown will work wonders to prove to yourself and your fans who deserves all of their likes!
Don’t forget the rest of your royal family!
This crown is pretty basic but the woman modeling it can really teach you a thing or two about how to master a perfect royal Insta-pose!
7. Dozens of Mylar Balloons
There’s no better way to celebrate an epic life milestone – like reaching 1,000 followers on Instagram or turning 25 – than with dozens of giant, helium-filled Mylar balloons! Your followers will be so envious that you flew to an exotic destination with a suitcase full of balloons and then celebrated yourself and your accomplishments, just you and your trusty tripod, alone in your hotel room! Or better yet, pick an ironic destination for your balloon-filled celebration – a mosque, a cemetery, or during Sunday morning mass – it’ll be perfect!
The best way to achieve your balloon-filled Instagram pic is to steal a bunch of balloons from an innocent child. If that’s not an option, grumpy cat balloons are always a crowd pleaser! Better throw a helium tank in your suitcase as well since those balloons aren’t going to inflate themselves.
8. A Polaroid Camera
Only amateur Instagram photographers would carry just one camera with them on their vacation. And only amateur photographers would take a regular old picture instead of a picture of another picture. A Polaroid camera is the perfect packing accessory that allows you to take a picture of a beautiful scenic spot, and then hold it out to take another picture of that picture. Plus the film comes in packs of 10 so just throw a dozen extra packs of film in your bag and go nuts! Don’t forget to show off your watch while you’re at it – your followers want to know the time!
Sure you can find small, compact Polaroid cameras, but you’re vintage and ironic so pick up this massive classic version instead!
9. An Elaborate Breakfast Spread
If you want to take a photo of an epic view from a rooftop location or a balcony it would be totally absurd to just take a photo of you gazing out at the view. A million people before you have already taken that photo and it’s totally boring.
To snap an original and totally Instagrammable photo you’ll need to create the illusion that you are just casually munching on breakfast and that epic sunrise view just happens to be in the background. But you’re so busy sipping tea and sampling cheese to even notice. Plus you may be Insta-famous but you still gotta eat!
It’s breakfast time so don’t even dream of getting dressed for the event! Bathrobes, bathing suits and/or pj’s only! And remember, friends don’t let friends feed themselves!
Be sure to slip a traditional Turkish tea set into your suitcase before setting off on your trip. It’s multipurpose as you can use it for both your breakfast pic AND your top-of-the-mountain-tribal-blanket-and-picnic photo!
10. An Adorable Puppy
Who doesn’t love puppies? Monsters maybe. Add a puppy to your photo and you’re guaranteed to triple your likes. But no Insta-famous person would take just a photo of a puppy, that would be weird. Be sure to don a teeny weeny bikini, squish your boobs together, and scare the puppy with your obscene sexy facial expressions because sex+puppies=sells. Plus the puppy isn’t Insta-famous, you are! Don’t let that little mutt steal your thunder.
If you don’t want to sex-ify your pup, just put those Mylar balloons to work and make even the meanest grump go “awwwwww”.
If you can’t wrangle a real puppy, this fake one will do in a pinch!
11. A Bathrobe and Your Bestie
I don’t know about you but when my girlfriends and I get together, we always get naked, put on bathrobes, sip champagne, and laugh obnoxiously at each other’s hilarious jokes! We’re having so much fun we don’t even notice that our picture is being taken and it’s absolutely perfect for Instagram!
Pack both your bathrobe and your bestie in your suitcase and bust them out at your super swanky hotel, set up your tripod, and get to giggling! But make sure it’s on a Sunday cause ‘Sundays are for staying in…’
Your photo is already full of whimsy but this bathrobe will make it even better (if that’s even possible).
12. A Bohemian Hammock
No Insta-famous person goes to the beach and just lays there! You’d get all covered in sand and that doesn’t make for an Insta-worthy photo (unless you get just the perfect amount of sand on each butt cheek and take a cute sandy-bum-photo, preferably while holding pineapples).
Instead, you’ll need a white, knit, fringe-covered bohemian hammock that you can string between two palm trees and pretend to relax on. Your pic should be accompanied by hashtags like #beachplease and #lifesabeach if you really want to see those likes rolling in!
Bonus if the hammock isn’t actually doing the job it’s meant to do!
This hammock is perfect for packing! At only 10 pounds it will be a cinch to bring along on any adventure!
13. A Tent with a Giant Door
It would be totally selfish to consider going to sleep during a camping trip without showing your followers that sweet view from the inside of your tent! Sure you can take pictures from outside but that will leave everyone wondering what “real life” was really like and what their “Insta-celebrity” really saw right before getting some shut-eye. It’s your duty to show them! But get those feet in there – otherwise, they may not believe that you really took the picture!
Don’t forget your map! It’s a wild, wild world out there.
Skip a regular tent and opt for a toilet tent to give you twice the height of a regular tent door for extra Instagrammable views!
14. A Retro Beach Cruiser
Difficult to fit into your suitcase? True. But worth it to snap the most adorable Instagram pic of you riding down a beach promenade on your pastel-colored beach cruiser wearing your cute bikini while holding a surfboard? Definitely! And bonus if there’s also an adorable puppy in your cruiser basket. Don’t forget – on Fridays we wear flower crowns! Be sure to get one for you and one for your cruiser basket!
Don’t even think about packing a lightweight or foldable bike, they’re more likely to get you unfollowed than liked. Pastel colors and a cute wicker basket are the only two things you should concern yourself with when choosing your new Insta-bike!
15. A Wooden Canoe
It would be a waste of your precious time and money to visit a beautiful lake surrounded by jaw-dropping views without having a wooden canoe to pretend to row for a photo. If you actually paddled the boat you would create ripples that would ruin the perfect reflection of the surrounding scenery for your photo so be sure to actually remain as still as possible while appearing to be paddling around and enjoying yourself. Your followers will have no idea that you’re not actually having any fun at all! If you want to be REALLY authentic, be sure you’re all bundled up in your cozy tribal print blanket for your boat ride!
And if getting that big canoe to an actual lake is too great a task for this Insta-shoot, just pop that baby in your hotel pool – you won’t even need your paddles! Don’t forget your floppy hat, that sun is intense!
Apparently Amazon doesn’t sell life-sized wooden canoes but don’t fret! Build one yourself with this handy guide! It will be easier to pack if it’s not all assembled anyway.
16. A Custom VW Camper Van
No self-respecting Insta-famous person would ever consider taking a road trip in a non-Instagrammable-camper-van. That would just be embarrassing. Just imagine what your followers would think if they saw epically beautiful photos of gorgeous landscapes with just a mediocre-looking camper van in the foreground.
A pastel-colored VW Bus that has been converted into a camper van, recovered in Pendleton-style fabrics, with racks to hold your surfboards on top and your Vespa on the back is what you’ll need to plan on packing. Something like this but life-sized would be absolutely Insta-perfect!
Don’t forget to post a pic of your feet hanging out of the back of the van overlooking a pretty landscape! There’s nothing people love more than looking at other peoples feet!
17. A Vintage-Looking Vespa
When you need a break from your custom VW camper van, why not take your vintage Vespa out for a ride? You’ll look like you just stepped out of the pages of a magazine from the 1970’s on your cute, vintage-looking (but actually brand new) moped! Be sure to wear your long dress, a flowing scarf, and darling but pointless goggles to really complete the look. Your followers will have no idea that you actually don’t have a clue what you’re doing and only own a Vespa for it’s Insta-worthy photo appeal.
If you want to be extra safe and adorable, just park your Vespa in front of this sign and pose on top of it to make it appear that you actually ride it. Don’t forget to coordinate your outfit with your scooter and the building behind you!
18. An Elephant
No trip to SE Asia would be complete without feeding an elephant baby a banana or giving a hug to an elephant trunk. But if you want to be a real Instagram sensation, you’ll bring an elephant along with you on your journey so you don’t just have to take photos in their natural habitat. Just imagine it – elephant hugs on the beach in the Maldives, elephant hugs in front of the Taj Mahal, elephant hugs on top of the Great Wall of China – the possibilities are endless! Plus they are super comfy for an afternoon nap!
If you want to be a REAL Instagram celebrity, the caption that will accompany your photo will speak out against the injustice inflicted upon captive animals (excluding the one that you have with you of course) and include a link to donate to an Elephant Rescue Center. And then you’ll write about your elephant-saving efforts in your handmade leather elephant journal.
If an elephant seems unreasonable to travel with, a camel or a monkey will do in a pinch. But sadly, none of them are for sale on Amazon. Check your local zoo.
19. A Bathtub
There’s nothing strange about posting a picture on social media of you naked and sudsing-up in the tub. And don’t let anyone tell you differently! The best way to show your Insta-fans that you are relaxing in an exotic location is to take a pic in a bathtub filled with rose petals while sipping champagne and munching on a giant breakfast. Be sure you have a book sitting nearby so that your loyal followers think you actually take baths rather than just pose in them. Plus you don’t even have to get out of the tub to pee when all that mimosa hits you!
Bonus if your bathtub is overlooking some epic view of some scenic landscape and extra bonus points if your tub is actually sitting in the great outdoors in the middle of the scenic landscape for your soak shoot! Make sure to stick your butt out!
You may need to hire someone to help you carry this 290-pound lap of luxury around with you – trust me, it’s worth it!
So now you know the secret! Just a few easy and inexpensive purchases will set you on the path to Instagram fame and fortune.